Relate to each other, asking ourselves how we RELATE not how we differ, judge or oversimplify into polarized either or.
everything is a projection. everything is a reflection of us.

Dont blame others, systems and subsystems. Own your intent, effort and behaviour.

Currently around you its a lot of focus on being divided,
bad at listening,
more judgmental. We fool ourselves that its either or/black or white

if I'm right you must be wrong: no grayscale

Our axis never align perfectly, we can still be both mostly right
learn the hard soft skills, everything else will get automated.

scripts ignore all sunk costs

 

instead train on:
* give and receive feedback
* having difficult conversations
* training in one area might transfer to all areas
* Relate to each other, and teaching others how they benefit from that focus as well* helping others on their journey towards their destination, and seeing overlaps and when it's time to let go

3LQaVkKUenFXYUn0peQo

Humble is not thinking less of yourself,
it's thinking of yourself less.

Be the hardest working in the room, not the loudest

OK to fumble while learning just intentionally keep practice and evaluate for those you care about

Living in Replay Simulation Mode,
What is Normal,
Intentionally Act Now

Here's the video version of this audio for those interested

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0QJJp0uGsPU&list=PLZnle-1ZnD6eU9vyN5x8Ulvlj8Ivat1v-

Do you actively, regularly help others feel like they belong?

Why Machine, Deep learning & AI speeds up the hatchet of change so much - and why I think it matter to every relationship you have

Are you aware of the results of your intentions and actions?

We dont know the intent behind an outcome, but imagine a positive intent from others helps build relationships.

Likewise setting healthy boundaries also helps build relationships

What work are you doing that feels so important you just HAVE to do it (for others benefit)? Why is that so?

BetterBias, UpperLimit Belief & Risks – Please just start already

 

 

Books mentioned in this episode

The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level

Factfulness: Ten Reasons We're Wrong About the World--and Why Things Are Better Than You Think

 

Your Story and Talking To Strangers

I’m currently in Seth Godin’s beta program of Storytelling and reflect out loud on the combination of that and the book I’m currently listening to (that was released today so I’m just partly done listening to it)

Book: Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know about the People We Don’t Know 2
Link: https://amzn.to/2Q7GCV0

Course: Story Skills Workshop
Link: https://str1.akimbo.com

On Trust

Reach and information is not enough

 

is never about what you say

its about what people do

 

do they trust what you see and bring to their table?

Please dont wait

Please listen to the resistance, and the feelings that get in the way for teaching others what you know - then find a way to do it anyway.

Also remind yourself of others calendar-time.

often we intend to give generously but time catches up with us and without intending to we could have given no help + time to people instead of sending them early and with faults, we hoped to fix it before sending them yet other priorities got in the way and we're still sending them as it was before anyway.

Dare to share and teach earlier, faster, more often.

You already know enough to give. today. Again and again.

Experimenting with things that might work but are not guaranteed to work takes a lot of emotional work. Separating the work from our self-identity. Allowing our “self-esteem” the hit of failure, when we all wish to make it.
You’ll never learn anything new properly if you’re not open to be vulnerable in your self-esteem.
If you can remove shame from not making things work the first time you try it you’ve come a LOT way to propel your work forward. Its hard work for all of us but well worth it.
What WOULD you bring our world if there was NO shame in trying?

I've spoken about Digital Twins multiple times over the years but it’s worth a reminder on how it will affect your relationships and effectiveness

 

ARE you generous towards yourself?
so you'll know how to give better to those you care about?

if we're not starting with also being generous to ourselves,
its easy to fool ourselves what better looks like

Do you know your Oasis?

Do you know where you regenerate?

Where you get energy, insight and encouragement from?

Its more often a WHO than a place.

Are you investing energy finding people who get you,

Or investing energy adapting to people who don’t?

 

Only YOU know "your" place

Dont let anyone else tell you otherwise

Status affect way more than it perhaps should.

Accepting reality is the first step in changing it

Dont wait for mentoring.

Dont wait to be picked.

Dont wait to recieve that special anything.

Instead work hard to position yourself AND thus making it more likely to have someone wanting to mentor you, to make yourself ready IF you get picked.

 

Do things that matter today, so you’ll learn.

Don’t waste time comparing – remind yourself it’s the learning and doing that’s important and comparing often gets in the way more than we ever learn.

This is urgent. Do thinks every day that matters, however small. That consistency will what makes you win whenever you need to win way more likely than watching others.

Culture is just behaviour. Effect is just a result of behaviour.

Are you focused on your own behaviour and that of those around you? without this it doesnt matter what your powerpoint slides say your people "should" do in a fancy greatlooking strategy document.

What does Resilience mean to you?

What does it enable?

Are you doing the work that matters?

Or are you just doing hard work because you "hope" if its hard, it should be rewarded?

Just some food for thought on the URGENT need for you to think about restorability so backups don’t get in the way of your relationships.

* Divorce and family photos?

* Employee and boss asks for phone back?

* Programmer backup = 100x speed and trust

Trust? Are your provider doing analytics on your backups?

Who controls the data for your emotional choices?
Know thyself is more urgent than ever!

We’re all emotional creatures – a great important part of our evolution.
It’s important to know that you’re now surrounded by algorithms watching you and tweaking the environment around you constantly. For both great and scary effects.

That’s why it’s more important than ever to know thyself, to understand what makes you tick so you’ll recognize what’s going on. Say when you think you’re reading news and in effect, you’re being manipulated to make a certain decision.

 

Why fascism is so tempting — and how your data could power it  Yuval Noah Harari | TED2018
https://www.ted.com/talks/yuval_noah_harari_why_fascism_is_so_tempting_and_how_your_data_could_power_it

Facebook's role in Brexit — and the threat to democracy |Carole Cadwalladr | TED2019
https://www.ted.com/talks/carole_cadwalladr_facebook_s_role_in_brexit_and_the_threat_to_democracy

This is Marketing worth the listen or read from so many angles

This episode is a tribute to Seth Godin, and a recommendation of his book This Is Marketing: You Can't Be Seen Until You Learn to See

IF you only read one book this year I recommend you make it this one before others.

It applies to so much beyond marketing.

Ric share’s some of his thoughts on Seth Quotes

• My product is for people who believe ...
• I will focus on people who want...
• I promise that engaging with what I make will help you get...

 

You’re listening to episode 365 of this podcast, and I’ve shipped it weekly for 5 years to get to this point in time.
I surely was a slow learner facing so many resistances getting here. I still struggle with some of them and most likely will find new resistances as I keep leveling up.

Without Seth and all I’ve learned from Seth over the years about [daring] to dance with tension and [daring] to do the work that matter this podcast wouldn’t exist. Seth is the number ONE reason I’m doing this for you and everyone else listening to this.
Thank you Seth!

This Is Marketing: You Can't Be Seen Until You Learn to See
IF you’re curious I recommend you get the audio version because Seth is taking time to read it himself

https://amzn.to/2Ijew4I

Brand, Reputation and DOING the work that matters.

I know I here talk about how important DOING things is – to get real life feedback, to connect, to learn.
Getting our ideas out of our heads to meet the world so we connect with our community, so we show up for those we seek to help. But it’s even more important to embrace that it’s not enough to just do better work. We must all of us also embrace branding, reputation and all the work that makes OUR work matter, be noticed and feel relevant for those we want to help.
With all the noise in our world just being the best, or having shipped the best product is not enough.
We must all work on our brand. That the result of that work is NOT up to us. Branding in today’s connected world: For both global around the world brands, as well as your personal brand is:
Other people's expectation of you. The promise you deliver to them. THAT is your brand.
its easy to live in the illusion that they'll get it eventually, if we just do good work.
That they will come if we just build "the right <insert your product>" but it’s not enough.

My experience is that in order for your people to get the maximum value out of your product or “value”
They must get the reputation your brand bring with it from others, not directly from you.

The noise blocks out who's the best.
Seek to be the best for those you serve including do work on marketing, branding, reputation in a way that matter to them.

Don’t seek to gamify what ‘ever platform you're on.
Eventually algorithms will learn and you're community as well. You don’t want to be left obsolete just because an algorithm was updated.

quote: Warren Buffet
It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you'll do things differently
What’s your legacy? What are you building for those you serve beyond you?
What is the promise you bring those that connect with what you do?

Go around it.
Dont wait for perfect - Its OK to go around the long way as long as you keep taking steps forward

 

Be kind to yourself. Dont wait for the perfect candidate, perfect opportunity or perfect idea.

 

Once you go around and obsticle and you make them pointless they're often happy to help you - making it appear you've walked in a straighter line that you have for an outsiders.

dont compare yourself to others because you dont know the detours they have made to get it done.

Focus on progress, and what's working and what is.

not others and how you think it "should be"

Primilary ask yourself what can you DO, instead of listening to the sceptics in your head?

dont worry about what others think or say if you're not starting by enrolling the top candidate. Few succesful people did when they started. We just fool ourselves by comparing thinking everyone else had it easier to change things that we do. Usually they did not but invested effort anyone eventually making it.

Laser Focus

What are you focusing on right now?

So many of us imagine success as “having it all.”

While that may be true, the way to get there requires focus; giving up a lot of things, disappearing from the spotlight, and building that one thing that will be your contribution to the world--your legacy.

The first step to achieving something is figuring out what you want in the first place. And the more you think about it, the more you realize how much harder it actually is.

What is something that you like, love, and care for? What is something that you love doing so much that you can do it for the rest of your life?

What is something that you're willing to grow and flourish at the expense of momentarily saying no to so many things because it will take a lot of you to turn an idea into a reality?

Every success story begins with a decision to focus on one thing. Constrain how much you are doing at the moment to expand an idea that will have value five years from now, ten years from now. No one will see what you are building. They won’t understand why you're so driven at something or why you are saying “no” to them or to other opportunities.

It's challenging to say “no” because it's so easy to go with the flow, to get rewarded and recognized around people.

But when you start saying no, because you are laser focused on opportunities that align with your goal, you have more room to say yes to the things that matter. You have more energy and mind power to absorb everything that will further you in your direction.

Everything you do is connected. You grow from the right opportunities. You see things that busy people often look past.
Make your timeline something important here and now and you will build something exceptional for those you care about.

 

 

Strangled by your own convenience

I know you love your comfort zone

So do I. I go there to rest myself and I have to force myself out, into scary uncharted territory every time

My Personal Trainer say most of us have trouble picking things up from the ground when we get old. Yet a few never have this problem

Because most stop doing it when there is a tool, chair or something to assist with

Those who intentionally do knit their shoes, and move every day done have this problem. for most its that convenience got in the way – making it very inconvenient eventually.

 

 

* when I was awarded consultant of the year 2013 out of 7500 consultants I was asked to hold (by consultants seeking the same fame and success) had a few presentations on a few different topics one including "How to increase your value" which often was interpreted as "How do I charge more" which surely is a side effect of the same behaviour.

 

YET most asking live during my talk always wanted to wiggle back to a convenient answer. Hoping they would get one word they could say when receiving an offer to increase it by 20% without effort.

I then said that would then be the new normal if there was such a free upgrade as no investment needed to get more we would all be doing it explaining that whatever you do at the "negotiation" will only shift it a sliver versus say you have five overs all equally exiting in work. Then the talks would be entirely different but it’s also a lot of more work. Yet in the end, you will have a lot of more options in your life than if you let convenience decide for you.

 

 

Convenience pushes the decision you know you need to make to the future

 

 

friends not behaving as you want? choose new ones, it won’t be convenient for a while but that space will open up for better people if you are also willing to level up in areas that attract those you want to attract

 

 

have empathy for your naysayers

Its uncomfortable buy if we dare to face that I, Ric, am not for everyone then we make better decisions. this was really hard for me, I am such a people pleaser, I really want to help everyone and that everyone love me but what I didn’t understand for 70% of my life was that my behaviour made me pleasant but not truly anyone’s favorite.

 

 

* Free stuff and convenience

We often forget the alternative cost we pay for free stuff. Platforms and business rarely give us stuff free as a primary thing.

Their primary thing is often a business selling us. Convenient now but will it really be so for your future self?

 

like Brene Brown say:
Choose to uncomfortable now instead of resentful later.

 

“Discomfort brings engagement and change. Discomfort means you're doing something that others were unlikely to do, because they're hiding out in the comfortable zone. When your uncomfortable actions lead to success, the organization rewards you and brings you back for more.” 

The very thing that feels uncomfortable is probably the thing I should be doing at that moment. The activity that puts me on edge and tempts me to resort to procrastination – that subtle fear is indicating the task is important.

so what to do about it?

I believe in balance. You can’t always be outside your comfort zone. You need to rest, to reflect, to have a place where you ask yourself the scary questions without falling into a deep pit

but in order for that zone NOT TO shrink so much its uncomfortable small, forcing you to stand still and stiff you also need to show up with your whole self in at least a few areas that matter. that matter to you, not society but yes also that matters to your customers so you can sustain it

 

 

How to be a person of Value

Einstein said:

Try not to be a person of success,

Instead try to be a person of value.

 

So you have to ask yourself. What is VALUE those you serve?

If don’t value people, you will never ask yourself that question.
How can I ADD value to those people?

Another quote goes “Price is what you PAY, value is what you GET”

Thus what your customers, friends, boss, relatives all GET from your effort and results is subjective

That’s why listening and acting is so important.

Listening is important because you really need listen and embrace that subjective worldview of those you care about BEFORE you speak. But listening alone isn’t enough. Action is required to change things.
Speaking is important to clarify things.

Leadership is influence.

IF you add value to people, then that effort will give you more influence.

I think we need to talk about YOUR status and it’s urgent we embrace the world we’re living in when it comes to status. Status

 

Status roles are at the core of who we are. They change how we spend our time, our money and most of all, our imaginations.

 

I think we’re getting confused of what status really means with “status updates” on platforms making most of us think someone else is getting a vacation regularly and here we are doing the dirty, hard work. Or comparing our efforts with the world’s top 1% unaware of all the effort and time they have invested into getting where they are.
or how platforms today use the word friend for anyone who’s a childhood friend just as much as someone who’s just following you because the great work you do, or just because the platform nudge-nudged you to accept it. OR thinking we’re part of a community when it’s just another platform. Real-life is not a blog, twitter or most platforms – yet surely community can be digital so how do we know?

 

Don’t spend your energy thinking about other people’s status versus yours. Try to be kind to yourself and constantly work towards more effort into doing the work that matters. The small work your future self will thank you for when you go to sleep tonight does A LOT more for your status than comparing ever will.

 

Quote: John P. Kotter

Because management deals mostly with the status quo and leadership deals mostly with change, in the next century we are going to have to try to become much more skilled at creating leaders.

 

I think it’s more urgent than ever that we become skilled at owning our OWN status and ignoring others as a comparison but embracing others status as part of driving the change we make.

 

IF we are so worried about our status that we don’t dare to learn, done dare to be a beginner don’t dare to make any mistakes we will not 100X results, because we’ll be busy maintaining the status quo. Both in our inner game, as well as out doing the work that matter in organisations.

 

Action now, small or big is the single best way to improve the status quo. And the more forward motion we make, the better we’ll get at figuring out what better looks like,  if it’s a good idea, if its helping or not. Status can be just a good block from learning, as it can be for enabling learning and better.

Ric's currently reading the books "Masks of Masculinity" by Lewis Howes which led to some great conversations when he was working together with David Marquet this week on making the invisible visible using data

 

Techinical info: this is also the first episode on the libsyn platform only, before now I've made 355 episodes using googles feedburner AND libsyn for 5 years.
Most of my list wont migrate, just sharing in case you get a glitch or something. then just unsubscribe and subscribe again and most likely all will be back to normal (but on a shorter episode list)

I’m grateful I got the chance to work with David Marque this week. I learned lot from him this week but have learned from him in so many ways like his Youtube Leadership Nudges, and also learned from people who learned from him so I felt a bit Stars-truck When we wasn’t working we talked … Continue reading Self-identity and how that can blind us, in my case on arrogance →

Set things Right – whats better than right? it’s easy to forget that what’s right most often is a matter of worldview. Ensure to separate facts, observations and measurements from labels Both are needed to do better that lasts. We need to figure our own values, “our definition of right” before enrolling others towards change, … Continue reading Setting things right – whats better than right? →

Act as if – Do, measure, evaluate, experiment Failure, might not work as part of your identity, where it’s easier to learn from failure. not fake it to you make it – where it’s really hard to emotionally handle failure Most really successful people did not make ONE plan and that worked out most tried … Continue reading Act as if →

How well are you tending to yours? How aware are you that they’re at the helm of everything you do, and everyone you meet. What do you expect to see on the other side of your effort? How often are you right? Dont expect anything to happen differently without you doing differently. Dont expect things … Continue reading Expectations are the fuel and engine of perceptions →

Its easy to forget when a decision is actually made. When we’re stuck fighting the system of not embracing a YES fully, or not setting a clear and strong boundary, aka said NO to something when it mattered more, than when we’re standing knee-deep into it. How can you help yourself trace back when a … Continue reading Decision traceback – delayed feedback and results, learn to embrace yes or no when it matters →

How do I know this is the idea to go all in for? I hear this from clients and people often, in different forms like: Please tell me THIS is the idea to go all in for Is this THE idea to go for? Please tell me I’m at the tipping point, that it will … Continue reading How do I know this is the idea to go all in for? →

Teach Dare to do things that might not work Don’t wait for school or anyone else to teach those that matter to you the most important things like daring to do things that might not work, daring to do things that society doesn’t understand. Daring to listen to yourself thru a dip, quit and give … Continue reading Teach Dare to do things that might not work →

Beware Fake Paths, illusionary progress and blockers Learn to listen to yourself, including when to, and when not to, others

Algoritms- why they matter so much to your relationships The chain of algoritms is woven around all you meet, all day long. Your reputation preceede you in all your first contacts There is no escape. Use it or get used by it.  

Christmas is coming – talk to your people. We are all rusty and emotional during this holiday, be kind to yourself AND those around you. Start talking now, before tickets get [too] costly and while dates and items are easier to set and get.