Relationship Power at work (general)

Uncanny Sight: You saw something inside me that I didnt see until years later yet I wasnt ready when you named it and that made me nervous

Are you making people uncomfortable with what you see or does your lended sights give them freedom, energy or clarity to act for their own benefit?

Sometimes the people around you are not ready to connect to what you want to connect on.
How can you learn to see that early?
If you want to help make change happen you must meet people where they are right now.
not where you know they will be eventually.

Often that means you need to go first. To show trust by creating space for them first.
To listen for what happens or dont happen and if needed just move on. Or in other times lean in, staying with the tension longer for THEIR benefit. At other time its the exact that behaviour that makes them too uncomfortable. Easy to see in retrospect and the long game.
Really hard in the moment.
Are you paying attention to the recipient of what you see right now?
What you might call kind clarity might be perceived as way to much tension for me.
Likewise though. A few years later it might be exactly those very word you get thanked for.

I was also having a deep cold recording this. I hope it was bearable to listen to despite that

Relentless tests. Lessons and gifts are optional.

Relentless tests. Every second of your life, business & relationships.

Question is though. Are you taking the lessons that matter and letting go what doesnt belong so you learn between tests?
Are you accepting the gifts that helps both you and their giver, and letting the ones go that dont? Even if they are from yourself, fully formed, shiny and polished with hardwon sunc costs?

When you grew up. School gave you lessons, then you take the test.
And you though that was the "fair" order it was supposed to be done at.
I believe that by embracing reality you see we are all given neverending tests and its very very optional if anyone will take the lesson. Less easy is to see its the same with gifts from your former self to yourself. What got you here wont get you there. Let go of that raft and habits that protected you so far so you can form new one that serves you better where you want to go from here.

Instead of seeing goals and the long journey there. Embrace the hard obstacles right here right now. Help others move their for them, learning for yourself while doing it.

Instead of longing for a smooth journey towards the goal. Embrace that the "deeper downs" will teach you better & faster. So so how can you weave in rest time so you can go deep on a hard problem when helpful? You level up faster in positions like that versus the dream you have of smooth sailing
That position is a choice. That emotional labor is a choice.
if whater you are feeling right now isnt what you want. Whats the lesson? Whats the gift from your former past, the company you keep. what are you carrying that you can lay down in favor of helping to carry something else?

Sensortoipia. Metaverse. Data. machine learning. Fast pace of our world... Makes it hard to see the lesson longterm to say privacy yet you can still think about it right now.

Who am I teaching right now?
its so hard to missread reality thru the lens of the past.
Its so easy to be blinded by the shiny object or goal in the future.
Who am I teaching right now? Take a breath and ask yourself this six times centering on just one of the word each time you ask it.
You just might see reality better.

You are being tested all the time. Dont be unprepared. Dont autoaccept whats given.

Whats worth that extra care?

Who are worthy of that extra effort again and again?

Direct download: Relentless_Tests_optional_Lessons_and_gifts.mp3
Category:general -- posted at: 10:54am EST

About this eposide:
I'm glad to introduce you to Özlem, our first guest in perhaps 6 years or something of weekly shipping.

Since the 1990ths I have always created a few cyber communities where we have learned together. (On whatever voice platform made it most easy at the time)
Almost every day I'd join a live voice channel in a joint venture within a game the group as a whole would be playing.

This created a space where so many different age-groups, professions and walks of life met. Often and recurring working together creates remarkable spaces. One where we know during our day we have this "other" place where we can questions. Learn from others experiences or share when we feel vulnerable. On any topic from Life, business or anything.

I thus jumped into AltMBA number 4. Knowing already at #1 it was for me but I feared I wasnt worthy enough to be there so took a while before I dared. I have since been part of 30 akimbo workshops and a remarkable coach in a few. Because I believe in learning together. Helping each other see better together. Feel seen for what matters. So when my friend Özlem started her course on A platform where I've also been part of a few great community based courses I thought we should talk about whats inside her creation for your benefit.

About your guest:

Özlem Özkan is an author, podcaster, teacher and coach. She tells us more about how she got Seth Godin on her show, went from homeless to living in a monument, and how every NO brought her closer to the YES.

Özlem was invited to be an instructor with Maven, a new cohort-based course platform founded by the co-founder of Udemy and the co-founder of altMBA. She is now teaching the cohort-based-course DARE TO ASK at Maven.

To attend her free workshop go to

Check out DARE TO ASK on

Özlem’s Linkedin:

Özlem’s Instagram:

Direct download: Dare_to_Ask_with_Ozlem_Ozkan_and_Learning_Together_with_communities.mp3
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Direct download: Urgency__Illusions.mp3
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Direct download: Mentoring_What_have_you_done_and_learned_so_far.mp3
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Direct download: Age_of_Dis-Information_and_IT_Dept_Tax_Collectors1.mp3
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Direct download: Asking_Questions_Stay_Open_For_what_We_dont_know_HeilPR40.mp3
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Direct download: What_you_DO_becomes_better_and_easier_KPIs_and_axis_for_better.mp3
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Direct download: metrics_uncertainty_and_results.mp3
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Direct download: Virtual_Backgrounds_Digital_Office_Relationship_Building.mp3
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Direct download: Distributed_Work_A_GalleryView_Thumbnail_What_Work_Matters.mp3
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Direct download: Stop_Doing_you_are_not_lazy_just_not_loving_it__descript_auphonic.mp3
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Direct download: Why_Generosity_Focus.mp3
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Direct download: Forward_Memory_Bias.mp3
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Direct download: Your_Hobby_and_Why_that_mindset_matters.mp3
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Direct download: Phonecalls_Medium_Messages.mp3
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Direct download: Emotions_KPI_for_your_wetware.mp3
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Direct download: Angry_Memories.mp3
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THE work you want to do again

Great work is often rewarded with great work.

What do you want to become better at and for whom?

Whats a position you would feel its a luxury to serve WHOM from?

Dont make it about waiting for perfect.
Make it about progress - however tiny that might feel.

Dont make it about you.
Make it about those you're helping

Direct download: THE_work_you_want_to_do_again.mp3
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Direct download: its_not_yours.mp3
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Direct download: Distributed_Christmas.mp3
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Direct download: Simplicity_or_Chaos_Follows.mp3
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Direct download: Understanding_Your_Emotions_Curious_on_others_not_seeking_controll.mp3
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Direct download: Proving_it_versus_Seeking_Enrollment_and_Engagement_auphonic.mp3
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Direct download: Your_Vulnerable_mind_Auphonic.mp3
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Direct download: Time_is_Destroyer_of_everything_Decays__Optimism_auphonic.mp3
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Direct download: Infinite_Game_Windows.mp3
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Direct download: Seek_to_Understand_before_seeking_to_be_understood.mp3
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Direct download: OptionsPreference-beyond-Comfort_Zone.mp3
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Relate to each other, asking ourselves how we RELATE not how we differ, judge or oversimplify into polarized either or.
everything is a projection. everything is a reflection of us.

Dont blame others, systems and subsystems. Own your intent, effort and behaviour.

Currently around you its a lot of focus on being divided,
bad at listening,
more judgmental. We fool ourselves that its either or/black or white

if I'm right you must be wrong: no grayscale

Our axis never align perfectly, we can still be both mostly right
learn the hard soft skills, everything else will get automated.

scripts ignore all sunk costs


instead train on:
* give and receive feedback
* having difficult conversations
* training in one area might transfer to all areas
* Relate to each other, and teaching others how they benefit from that focus as well* helping others on their journey towards their destination, and seeing overlaps and when it's time to let go


Direct download: Generously_Relate_work_to_not_judge_or_divide_Auphonic.mp3
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Direct download: love_your_people_yourself_and_your_results_auphonic.mp3
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Direct download: Hurt_Twice_On_Staying_Positive.mp3
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Direct download: Everything_seek_balance-owning_yours.mp3
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Direct download: entusiasm_fun_and_curiosity.mp3
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Direct download: Create_Remarkable_Space_for_Others.mp3
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Direct download: The_Levelup_Cycle_of_becomming_the_company_you_keep.mp3
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Direct download: How_to_be_more_you_in_your_work.mp3
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Direct download: Not_Ready_Prepared_for_opportunity_or_risk.mp3
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Direct download: illusions_we_keap_before_leaping.mp3
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Direct download: Knowledge_duality.mp3
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Direct download: Creating_Friendships_intentionally.mp3
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Direct download: Relationships_in_DistributedWork_Cyberspace_Everything_decays.mp3
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Direct download: Number_TWO_will_set_you_free_for_opportunity.mp3
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Direct download: Uncertainty_early_Others_Prio_items_isnt_your_1.mp3
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Direct download: Signals_and_the_Position_and_Posture_you_take.mp3
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Direct download: System_Empathy.mp3
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Direct download: Leaderhip_isnt_a_checklist_nor_a_websearch_fix.mp3
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Direct download: Distributed_Culture_DiversityWins_Game_Mechanics.mp3
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Humble is not thinking less of yourself,
it's thinking of yourself less.

Be the hardest working in the room, not the loudest

Direct download: Humble.mp3
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Direct download: Different_yet_normal.mp3
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Direct download: Serious_Play.mp3
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Direct download: Knowledge_is_Power_but_action_is_impACT.mp3
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OK to fumble while learning just intentionally keep practice and evaluate for those you care about

Direct download: Doing_it_recurring_intentional_practice_action.mp3
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Living in Replay Simulation Mode,
What is Normal,
Intentionally Act Now

Direct download: Living_in_Replay_Simulation_ModeNormal_is_DeadIntentionally_Act_Now.mp3
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Direct download: Kindness_to_self_and_others.mp3
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Direct download: Intentionally_positioning_yourself_for_generosity.mp3
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Here's the video version of this audio for those interested

Direct download: Intentional_Action.mp3
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Direct download: Are_you_using_the_right_medium_for_lasting_change.mp3
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Direct download: Now_is_the_time_to_talk_to_your_spouse_or_boss_about_vacation.mp3
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Direct download: imagining_positive_intent.mp3
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Direct download: Your_Counterpoint_value.mp3
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Do you actively, regularly help others feel like they belong?

Direct download: Belonging_longing.mp3
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Direct download: focus_on_the_playing_field.mp3
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Direct download: Do_you__inner_game_words_free_you_to_act_or_block_you.mp3
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Direct download: curiosity_and_generosity.mp3
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Direct download: Learning_faster_better.mp3
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Direct download: Create_Space_of_Remarkable.mp3
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